Pushing PLAY.

When I was a much younger woman…

back when our 5 daughters were navigating things like

preschool TV,



and how to show a boy in your class you like him

all the while,

as you are no older than 12,

still maintaining


grade 7 aloofness…

I used to push play.

A lot.

As a result of this

a lot



Like I lost inches off my waist and hips.

Big time.

Just like those fitness gurus said I would…if I faithfully did my workouts.





By the time #5





free wheeling through trying out being 5 herself,

most of my gaggle was gone.

The other four were out the door

and it was


GO Time for MOM!

Having just a single charge to tend to after almost 11 years of more then 1 at home all day

I found myself with some FREE  time on my hands.

#5 was perfectly able to make her way through her morning till #4 got home from morning Kindergarten.


For I was beginning to carve out actual blocks of time to fill with activity!

Like why not?

I lived and worked there 24/7.

Time to begin  to pursue some of my other interests

I  began an earnest fitness regime.

I loved to do home work-outs.

In fact I started this way back when Susan Powter came out with her

“Stop the Insanity”

series of fitness programs.


Also Leslie Sansone Home walking, a personal favorite of mine.

I like a fast pace.

I had several tapes and a step bench my father built for me.

I believe I had 5 separate work-outs and I loved the step routines.

I went to town for 45 minutes to and hour every morning, 5 days a week.

I also did Yoga and Pilates in the evenings.

I worked out from to 10:00 a.m. till 11:30 shower time!

Then it was time to make lunch for any one who was home or coming home.

Check on the laundry and get back to painting or writing or whatever it was I was doing…

(likely not gardening).


I was in great shape and  a healthy mother and wife.

I could keep up with my family and my life.

I look back on these years with great fondness and huge disbelief.

I do not recall how many years I did this but it was several.

My regime broke away in 2008.

I changed jobs or something changed and my firm resolve…evaporated.

What the hell is wrong with me.I barely move a titch.

I once was big-time committed. And now I am like…meh!

Some one else can do that.””


When I was admitted to hospital last year my weight was 239 pounds.



As a blogger and writer and an abstract painter I used to sit all the time.

Why every single thing I did required me to sit.

I gained weight and lost tons of upper body strength and mobility.

I thank God I lost so much weight after going off Zoloft as it was not the correct medication for me.

This does NOT mean you should go off your medication to lose weight.

It means I was on a medication to control depression that I did not suffer from.

The weight gain is a side effect of Sertraline but you cannot just take yourself off meds.

Today I am 164.8 pounds.

So that is 75 pounds to date.

I have to lose inches now.

(more on this later)!

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I was a stay at home mom for 5 girls ages 5, 6, 8, 10 and 12.

We had two dogs 3 cats and a full life.

There was no point driving into the city to a gym so I created own regime and I was happy.

My love of exercises DVD’s  has a lot to do with my love of routine.

For although I am an abstract painter who throws paint around with wild abandon,

I am also a singer and musician

who practices singing from 2 to 3 hours a day.

The musician in me,

(35 years and counting)








So for the past month I have been completely cleaning The Anchorman and my shared space.

We have a bed sitting room with a small office and a bathroom complete with jetted tub :)!

I have hauled out years of junk, washed floors and walls of all that oldpaint.

Tidied numerous stacks and piles of odds and sods and generally reclaimed our space,

The Anchorman  had to live with a whirligig of a bohemian for 2.5 years.

In my studio/garret and I was acting ever so much like The Oncler from Dr. Suess’ The Lorax…

all holed up in my own world.

I was drawing further and further into exploring life as a full-time artist all the while

s caring less and less about everything except the paint and my never-ending need to cover white canvas!


There was a time back before my father died that I would paint for 10 to 12 hours and not take a  break.

Suffice it to say I caved in.

I paid a huge price.

I am 100% better than I have been in a long time.

I am still recovering today from some of the ill effects of my manic episode but I am well on my way to a brighter future.


But last Friday we went to the Millennium Library and took out some fitness DVD’s. For some reason I decided I might just walk a bit.

But we still have so much snow and the sidewalks are covered with ice that is impossible to safely transverse.

Why yesterday The Anchorman fell twice on his way home. :(

We live in an urban suburb so he walks to work everyday.

NO bargain at the moment .

Our streets are treacherous

We need more sunshine and that will take care of it once and for all.

I like indoor walking so I started this week and I have 2 new  Leslie Sansone workouts and an Ease in Pilates DVD.

Believe it our not I walked 11 miles and did 4 hours of yoga/Pilates work

plus 10 minutes of Bicycles

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It turns out, all that singing has got me into prime shape, the aerobic aspect of my belting it out since August has also had a massively positive effect on my health.


I absolutely love to sing and the fact that it contributed to my weight loss this far is a real bonus!

I know it did.

Aerobic means with air and as we all know fats burns in oxygen.


I put in the miles and I felt it but I kept up and was also challenged.

What a pleasure to walk and get a good work out.

I actually walked 3 miles on Wednesday at a 5 mile an hour clip!

That was boffo

which means Ace!

I must admit I do feel quiet proud of my accomplishment to date.

Returning to even a committed mile a day would be a great start.

I intend to journal my walking and  work my flabby arms and abs away over time.

I have thinner but not toned.

I want to try for sleek

I have time.

I think I can do it!

Only nine more pounds and the rest of my life :)

This time I just accept that I need this.

I will not lose it again.

(The weight can go…not the commitment)























The Sun is speaking of SPRING…:)

Where I live it is “fantastically Cold”

It gets crazy, crazy, crazy cold here and you really wonder if the massive banks of snow


that line the roads will ever melt away.

Whether the frozen grip Winter has on us will ever release.

when will the bitter cold end?

It is always a wonder to me.

I hear this mostly from grown adults and it never ceases to amaze me.

When has Spring not come?

When have we sat and said;

Why, it is already May and no sign of a break from this…what of this foolery?

Plus our foolish hearts actually YEARN of it.

Please,please come

and to break the frigid spine of Winter.

It is too cold to try and hold

for it is so cold it is ICE HOT.


We need to push it off,

crash it over the rail ,

Off cold thing down and die.

Here’s to our Sun


bring in warmth and power to reduce the snow.

As always, evermore

to water that flows away.

Off to the sea.

For all our seasons swirl around us

Held forever


in the waters that surround the earth.

All our winters of discontent.

All our snowy winter’s night’s sitting by a warm hearth…

All that we are,

will be

and once were,

melted and gently floated down streams,



tiny tributaries.

While this same water crests its way

rushing towards the  freedom of the Sea.


Let this Spring release you from Winter’s bitter cold bond.

Don’t fight Winter…

just be in it and of it and it will walk its way.


And we will rise again!

Feel the increased warmth and watch and see.

Look and listen for a Chick o Dee the true harbinger of Spring.

His call, for a new beginning sounds like he is saying



“Like, hello. I was wanting to say

I sure think you are swell.

Would you like to go for a cheeseburger?”


Know Your Fire…

I think a campfire with dear friends or a loved one is a very special thing.


Many years ago my dear brother-in-law Paul taught me how to build a good fire.

He taught me a lot about lots of stuff in fact, which,

I really appreciate.

He taught me to tend and keep a clean clear flame and a lot of air moving through.

Makes good even heat and then you get less or zero smoke!

He also taught me to stay with the fire

“AT all Times”


KNOW your Fire!

I consider myself a decent fire builder and tend a hearth as well.

For my main skill is that I can build a great cooking fire.

After my illness last year I started to use fire as part of my healing.

I put thoughts that trouble me into thoughts on paper and then toss them and watch them burn away.

the strength of a flame...is the same. Do this in his name.
There is strength in a flame. Love is the same.  Do this in his name. ONE LOVE

I also love fires for the strength and steady glow and the warmth they cast,

Perhaps fire is like a fine lady , who is not frail but strong,

A full force to be reckoned with once unleashed by the higher hand  that rules all forces like wind and fire

Dangerous and terrifying we would feel her rampant anger

that can swirl hot sizzle hatred burning

downwards from her outstretched palms.

Yet very seldom is her wrath and raw energy released and once erupted she is quickly dashed with water that destroys the rage.

Unless wildness and wind run along side of her and she simply loses her way…


as her raging may be aimed at those who would NOT see.

her strength is within the wick that burns amid  the blacken night.

Of cold barren dread damp and dark as dangers steps and creeps just one thin floorboard above…

This tiny wick, barely a glow to cast shine upon the frightened and tear stained eyes…

Hush and pray

we are okay

they will not stay…

he is away.

And then They crash and break,

smash and burn but they ride out and off.

They are the Dreaded Cacklers and bloodied handed knaves.

I hid the flame with my robes. in a special flask my lord has given to me in trust…within my heart it is also shining true.


I learnt to carry the flame to build the fire and I have held it for these years.

I am the last Centurion to ever appear.

My goal is clear.

My mission is plain and clear to see.

As it was to my Father before me.

To serve and protect my King and his heirs.

As his Knighted wife I dare to say

this light has been alive since

the instant of the very first day!

the SON is here as always

the SON is here as always